December 31, 2005
The End

Well, here we are at the end of another year. It feels like I was just writing out last year's end-of-the-year entry yesterday (yes, I ended up doing the same meme this year - oops!). Maybe the day before, but not 365 days ago! Previous years have been good, fair, dry or ho-hum; this year was different. It started out well enough, but in the middle of April I lost my job. I've mentioned it in passing a few times, but I don't think I've ever really gotten into how I really felt; what it really did to me. It was as bad as when David left me - I felt betrayed; I was broken. I spent way too much time wondering what was wrong with me, what I could have done different, or better. Eventually, though the novelty of wallowing in self-pity dissipated and I started applying for new jobs. It sucked, as job hunting when desperate for a job does, but it turned out okay: by the end of July I was offered a job at SupCo, which I guess I don't really need to be so secretive about (stalkers take note): it's the San Luis Obispo County Superior Court, Room 385, Civil Division. There I file documents - lots and lots of documents - and occasionally get to stamp some documents with a really official stamp. It's quite interesting, really, and there are plenty of opportunities should this part of the courthouse become dull.

I did a lot of gardening during my summer off. So much so that I'm sure many of my readers were bored to death with reading about me trying to grow grass from seed (which withered and died, by the way), growing tomatoes and peppers, and attempting to keep the bushes trimmed back to a respectable level. I would gripe and groan every time I had to go do something in the yard, but once I got started I found myself enjoying being active, being outdoors. When I was finished I'd look at what I had accomplished, and was always pleased with the result. Even now I whine about having to go mow the lawn (mostly because, dang it, it's winter!), but I always appreciate how nice it looks once I'm finished. I guess I'm a Reluctant Gardener.

I'm also a Reluctant Exerciser and Dieter, but after all these years of resolving to lose weight and exercise properly only to fail miserably that should come as no surprise to any one. Still, I keep thinking maybe this time! and always try again. Perhaps I'm not so much reluctant as I am hopeful. Hope springs eternal in a glass half empty. I'm an optimistic, hopeful, trusting person who hates people and society in general, bitches about everything under the sun and is never, ever satisfied with anything she has. It's no wonder I'm so confused and incapable of living a normal life! Heh. But, it's almost a new year, another new beginning, another chance to make a change for the better. Perhaps 2006 will be the year I succeed at everything I try. Maybe not. I guess we'll just have to wait and see!

Happy New Year!

for what it's worth ...
lmj (alias hez)